A Very Busy Man

"I bring a lot of knowledge about the 'game' to everything I do. You could say that I understand what's happening on the court on a higher level, most definitely. Some would say I'm a superfan and who am I to disagree? But that's not the only thing that I'm about. For one, I rock ad sales (word to your mother). For another, I rock Bourbon Street on the regular. Sometimes I like to just drink herbal tea, watch 'You've Got Mail' again (Director's Cut) and have a good cry. And that's what I'll be doing this weekend."

Love in the Time of Dipsomania

He called her "mi amor," she called him "el Creepo Grande." She stormed into his life life like an el niño of flavored coffee and faux-French pastry. He leaned his way into hers like a teetering scarecrow soaked in rum. His eyes said "Usted ha robado mi corazón," the restraining order said "a distance of 500 feet at all times." At sunrise, when a warm wind blows in from the south he remembers the last words he heard from her lips, "Non sígame o mi hermano Ramon le batirá a la muerte." Isn't it pretty to think so.

Spot the Bassist

"Did I ever tell you about the time where I met that chick from the show after Seinfeld about the yuppie couple? Remember that blonde-haired woman and they had a dog and the show sucked but it was after Seinfeld or maybe Wings. Man, I can't remember the name of that show but I saw her out and she was with like this whole bunch of women and her friend said something to me about Ben Affleck and I was like 'Hey, I like that show,' and they laughed because I was buzzed but she totally was checking me out. Is that your cellphone or is that part of the song? I'm not spitting. Not on purpose."

The "Game"

"So I had to go out to Chicago, bang out some ad sales. You know how it is. Anyway, I met with these guys from IncontiLink.com. They were pretty cool. Long story longer, we end up at this place called Prost where they have this thing called 'das boot' which is a glass boot with like four pints in it. Rule is, after you pick it up, you can't put it down until it's finished. This guy is like 'I'm not sure if you want to do this, but sometimes we like to get loose in the afternoon.' I was like, 'Bring it.'

The only things I remember after that is we went to some place where this guy tried to pick up the waitress who went to DePaul and somebody dropped ass in the cab and I think there was some cheeseburger deluxe action because I woke up with my suit jacket on and the pockets were filled with ketchup packets.

The ad sale? Nailed it. That's how the game is played."