A Very Busy Man

"I bring a lot of knowledge about the 'game' to everything I do. You could say that I understand what's happening on the court on a higher level, most definitely. Some would say I'm a superfan and who am I to disagree? But that's not the only thing that I'm about. For one, I rock ad sales (word to your mother). For another, I rock Bourbon Street on the regular. Sometimes I like to just drink herbal tea, watch 'You've Got Mail' again (Director's Cut) and have a good cry. And that's what I'll be doing this weekend."

Love in the Time of Dipsomania

He called her "mi amor," she called him "el Creepo Grande." She stormed into his life life like an el niño of flavored coffee and faux-French pastry. He leaned his way into hers like a teetering scarecrow soaked in rum. His eyes said "Usted ha robado mi corazón," the restraining order said "a distance of 500 feet at all times." At sunrise, when a warm wind blows in from the south he remembers the last words he heard from her lips, "Non sígame o mi hermano Ramon le batirá a la muerte." Isn't it pretty to think so.

Spot the Bassist

"Did I ever tell you about the time where I met that chick from the show after Seinfeld about the yuppie couple? Remember that blonde-haired woman and they had a dog and the show sucked but it was after Seinfeld or maybe Wings. Man, I can't remember the name of that show but I saw her out and she was with like this whole bunch of women and her friend said something to me about Ben Affleck and I was like 'Hey, I like that show,' and they laughed because I was buzzed but she totally was checking me out. Is that your cellphone or is that part of the song? I'm not spitting. Not on purpose."

The "Game"

"So I had to go out to Chicago, bang out some ad sales. You know how it is. Anyway, I met with these guys from IncontiLink.com. They were pretty cool. Long story longer, we end up at this place called Prost where they have this thing called 'das boot' which is a glass boot with like four pints in it. Rule is, after you pick it up, you can't put it down until it's finished. This guy is like 'I'm not sure if you want to do this, but sometimes we like to get loose in the afternoon.' I was like, 'Bring it.'

The only things I remember after that is we went to some place where this guy tried to pick up the waitress who went to DePaul and somebody dropped ass in the cab and I think there was some cheeseburger deluxe action because I woke up with my suit jacket on and the pockets were filled with ketchup packets.

The ad sale? Nailed it. That's how the game is played."

House(d) (part 1)

"Dog, this is good enough."
"What?"
"No, man, this is close enough right here."
"What are you talking about?"
"No, you're crazy."
"What traffic?"
"I'm out. Peace."
[sounds of portly man hitting pavement, brakes engaging, car horns honking]

CSI: Stamford - Skells Bells

Did you guys see last night's episode of CSI: Stamford? That shit was crazy! I totally thought Calzone was going to drop that guy he was dangling off the edge of the roof of the Town Center parking garage. Then Dog Food told Calzone, "This Skell ain't worth the paperwork," so he just let him go! One thing I've never understood about the show is why they don't they use forensic science like the other CSI show. Every week they just lock some guy in an interrogation room and hit him with phonebooks until he confesses. That's cool, but it doesn't seem very scientific to me. And I'm not an expert but I'm almost positive Brickhouse's "truth detector" is a taser (that guy screamed like a girl). Also, I think the other CSI shows have a lot more murders and a lot less traffic accidents. The part where they were trying to get that drunk guy to leave the diner was pretty weak, and that was almost half the show.

Leaving without a "W": a Fenway Tale

Posted & Toasted

Have you ever been to Fenway Park? It's located in the Sullyville section of Boston, one stop on the T past Murphburg (if you hit McStink Road, you've gone too far). If you've been there, you know that the bleachers are actually the only seats in the stadium that face the action properly and accommodate an adult male not suited for a career in the equestrian arts.

Use your imagination and put yourself in those bleacher seats on a warm summer Saturday. You pre-gamed at O'Flaherty's House O'Suds (sure, we've got time for two more before we head over to the park). You're having a few beers with the boys, maybe even a sausage or two.

What's that? You want to start some good-natured joshing with our neighbors rooting for the Yankees? What the heck, let's do it! Hey, that girl sitting diagonally in front of you is not too bad looking. The Thurman Munson tattoo on her bicep is a little extreme, but whatever. Dude, she's laughing at your jokes! What's that? You mean the big guy on her left? Well he is sitting next to her, but he's probably just a friend. Maybe it's her brother. That's right, tell him what Brosius rhymes with. What did he just say about your girlfriend (you have a girlfriend)? That's it, go right for the mom jokes - he looks like the momma's boy type. Oh snap! He's right up in your face! Are you going to let him bring that weak shit your way? "Take it easy"? All you've got is "take it easy"?

You know what, maybe we should move our seats. Why don't you switch seats with that guy wearing the half shirt. It's probably safer over there.

Uncanniness

Sometimes you'll hear a person say that someone's gone to the well one too many times. You know what? If there's still water in that son-of-a-bitch, the DomeSite says grab your bucket and drink up!

Scuba

Everyone keeps stopping the DomeSite staff on the street asking "When is DomeSite going to namecheck Scuba?" The DomeSite listens to street people because the DomeSite comes from the streets. What can you say about this band that hasn't already been said about the John Tyler administration? These cats are from Boston, or anyway live in Boston now, or anyway in Massachusetts, or anyway in that general part of the country. I think. On their website, they claim to regularly play in towns called Allston and Somerville, but those places sound made up (what guys, no shows in Metropolis or Bedford Falls this month?). They have played in New York City and the DomeSite covered their shows back when the DomeSite was a legal pad and a photocopier. They can really rock out, but they can also bring the room down and settle into an acoustic ballad that will set your tear ducts on "dry".

Vicious rumors around the campfire say that scuba divers who surface too quickly get the bends, and the band has taken that medical mumbo jumbo to heart and made it their promotional strategy - stay below the surface and no one gets sick (except from the drink). DomeSite exposure will likely make them household names and we'll see how the boys handle it. You can check out their myspace page for live dates and buy their tunes on iTunes.

The video is for a song called "Gary Power's Spy Plane" and it's about competitive quilting in the 1950s. It's taken from PBS documentary footage of an actual Scuba show. That's how these cats actually roll - and dress (word to Brigham Young).

The Race - the DomeSite perspective

This clip has been the talk of the Internets for several months and it's about time America got to hear the DomeSite perspective.

The video points out the dangers of video and the Internets in general. The guy out front early is getting clowned here by the cinematographer, director, editor and, frankly, himself. What is he wearing? Is that an orange-on-black intramural basketball jersey circa 1991? And what's with the red shoes? By the way, Christopher Cross, who graces the soundtrack, played BB King's last Friday night but I didn't go so I don't know if he still wears all his clothes backwards.

The clip did run a little long - because these jokers ran a little slow. Overall, I would rank this somewhere above Dances With Wolves and below the video of the guy getting hit in the nads with a whiffle ball bat.